Ah, a subject near and dear to my heart. This may be a long entry, so settle in and let me ramble. I have a history of infertility. Ed and I began to try for a child about nine months after we got married. I had always wanted children and figured getting pregnant would be a breeze. After all, there have been no women in my family who had a hard time conceiving, well, that I know of anyway. My mother had "female problems", but had four pregnancies resulting in three children (she had a very early loss), but no one else that I am aware of ever had difficulties. A couple of months after we began TTC (trying to conceive), I began having pains on certain days on my cycle. I went to see my general practitioner and she suspected endometriosis. Endometriosis is the growing of the endometrial lining outside of the uterus. It can wreak havoc everywhere in the body, there really is no safe place once it spreads. So, I was referred to an OB/GYN, but she did not suspect endo since I had no other symptoms, however, I did have an ever growing cyst on my left ovary. Long story, short--I had surgery on December 23, 2002 and I came out of the surgery without my left ovary or tube. It had been infiltrated and destroyed by endo. This was now 10 months into TTC. I was then referred to a RE (reproductive endocrinologist, AKA infertility doctor) because the OB/GYN still saw endo on the right side, but didn't feel comfortable removing it (she probably didn't have much experience with that kind of surgery, only guessing). He was a great doctor and had much confidence that we would be able to conceive on our own. He suggested we continue to try another year on our own before beginning fertility treatments. That was March 2003. In April 2004, I had another surgery to get rid of the endo on my right ovary. I was given time to heal and the advice that we try again on our own for 6 more months. Sigh. November 2004 comes around, no pregnancy. We began fertility treatments. We were given the diagnosis of "unexplained infertility", meaning there was no real reason that we were not conceiving. I started taking Clomid and we were doing intrauterine insemination. We did four medicated cycles without conceiving. We were then gearing up for invitro fertilization before life took a turn and we had to leave the state we were living in and subsequently lost insurance. We moved to our current area in December of 2005 and surprisingly enough, we got pregnant with Teddy in April of 2006, without any kind of intervention other than a blessing from above.
Now, I tell you all of this because it is fresh in my mind. The burning desire for a child. Throughout my journey to have a child, I became a member of a site where I found other women who were taking the same journey I was. It was truly reassuring that I had somewhere I could vent and someone could understand. I was also part of a small group of women who I shared my pregnancy with. They are women who had problems conceiving, women who had suffered several micarriages, women who had older children, and women who were going through pregnancy the first time. I was lucky enough to connect with a few of them on a deep level and we are still in touch today. I like to think of them as my sisters, beside the ones I have through blood and marriage.
Infertility is scarring. I know having Teddy has healed much of that pain for me. I was truly blessed. Unfortunately, I still know women who have not been as blessed. They still travel down that road, never knowing if their empty arms will be filled with a child. Even though I now have a child, I will always be able to remember how I felt, month after month of trying, of waiting, feeling like I failed again and again. No, I do not live in the past, I do not think of it everyday, I do not dwell on it. However, it is a part of my past and I can remember the flippant remarks from people; "Just relax, it'll happen when you least expect it" (okay, so it did happen when we least expected it, but it was because it was the right time, God's time, for us to have Teddy), "Have a glass of wine, it always happen when you get drunk"(yeah, because that's always a responsible way to get pregnant), "Adopt, you'll get pregnant in no time"(adoption was discussed, just not financially feasible for us at the time), "Maybe you aren't meant to have children" (that's a killer by the way), there are so many ways to belittle getting pregnant. Anyone who hasn't been there, doesn't understand and really,
can't understand.
I know this has excrutiatingly long. I apologize. I guess I merely wanted to educate anyone out there reading this. Before you know someone's situation, think about your words. Especially when it comes to something as close to the heart as a matter like this. The last thing an infertile woman wants to hear is advice; just be there to hold her hand, give her a shoulder to cry on, and if you've never been in her shoes, a closed mouth.
